Who am I again?

I have been on a quest to find myself again for the past little while. Not that I really feel lost, but kind of like i'm not too sure what my role is anymore. Five years ago I was a worker, loved it. Worked full time, often took extra shifts if asked or switched shifts with people...never a problem. I would go out with friends, and have pub nights with my man.  Movie nights were a must, the actual going out to the movies kind!  Grab a drink and appy somewhere then head over to the show and stuff our faces with popcorn and not even think twice how much we were spending.  Money wasn't just free flowing, but I never cared if the account got low....I could eat cans of soup til payday and not be too upset.

But now I'm a momma. And I work part time, which is enough for me for now. I am so consumed with her and making sure she is fed, bathed, clothed, happy, played with, and educated, that it leaves very little time to myself. My only time for me is between 10pm-midnight, when my partner is in bed, and so is the baby (fingers crossed she won't wake up) And that's it. 2 hours. And it's not like I use those 2 hours wisely, I'm usually so beat I just watch tv or search the internet for craft ideas or anything baby related! (still nothing for ME related) I have so many therapy appointments during the week for my daughter, as well as trying to get in visits to see my mum & dad, (since I work weekends now I dont get to see them anymore) I have to clean, cook meals every night for my family, make sure the laundry is done.  I'm also on a council for babes and mothers sponsored by the hospital. It's a post-natal care program to help ease the transition for new mothers thrown into this crazy world of babies! I volunteer my time in meetings going over ideas to fund raise and getting our name out there for people to know who we are, get new topics for the weekly program we offer to new moms, and just the general run of this program. So I'm a busy girl!

But I just wanted to do something for me.  My partner plays hockey every week so I needed something for MY time.  So I am excited to start my basic cake decorating classes next week!!!  It'll be 2 hours once a week of just me time again. OMG I need this so bad. I am looking for other night time things I might want to try next year as well....if this goes as well as I hope!  Maybe I'll learn Spanish, or to belly dance! who knows...I just know I need to get out. And my evenings are all I have.

I think sometimes I get the impression that people who work full time, think that stay at home moms do nothing all day. Here's what I say...would you ask your child's daycare provider does she sit on her butt all day and facebook? She would be so insulted and have a list as long as her arm of what she does all day with your kids.....so why would it be different for me? I have so many things in a week that I have to get done before my next work weekend comes that some days I just live off lattes. seriously! But my child isn't allowed to watch much tv, we have things to get done...colouring, singing time, story time, making 3 healthy meals everyday, walks, playing with toys, learning with toys and everyday things around the house. Changing, wiping, cleaning, feeding, teaching, more cleaning, more feeding, a well needed nap, the life of a stay at home mother is busy. Plus I try so hard to get time in there for play dates or coffee dates with other kids and moms. Doesn't happen on a weekly basis, there's just no time.  And then there's the running errands for the family. Doctor appt's, dentist, car needs gas, parcel needs to be picked up, grocery shopping, baby items shopping, my man needs new work pants shopping, bills need to be paid, and I wonder why I haven't had time to take her to that playgroup I've been meaning to get her too.

There are not enough hours in the 5 days off I have. But I wouldn't change a thing. I love being a mother more than anything I have ever done. Hopefully one day we will be blessed to add to our family....because I wasn't busy enough already! hahahahaha

My priorities have shifted to the home. And I like my two days away at work it's like down time for me. I get to chat with customers and make them pretty and feel special and then I go home....and see the cheerios all over the carpet and the dishes piled up and I think...ok back to reality, my vacation is over!