opinions

I am a person who is very much affected by what others say to me, or about me to others. I can't help it, maybe it's my insecurities, who knows.  But when I first started blogging my thoughts, I actually had people say not so nice things about some of my mini stories, and instead of saying, that's fine don't read them if you don't like them.  I deleted them.  I think I deleted 6 stories that I'll never get back, and I can't even remember what they said now.
And that's just it, I write when I am feeling something. And it's not always happiness and butterfly kisses, it's sadness, worry, stress, as well as happiness and love.  I don't really care if anyone reading this "gets" me, I'm not asking to be found by you. This is my personal journey to find myself. And I'll be the first to admit I'm lost! But that's ok too. Motherhood is an exciting yet complex time for me. It's new, and full of ups and downs.  But even through the worst days I have, I never, ever want to go back and change any of it.  I love being a momma.  It's the BEST decision I ever made, and I honestly am ready for another baby. There I said it. I know we need a bigger house, and a maybe a larger car/SUV/mini van, I know we should have that nest egg set up, and I know I should have gone back to school, and my fiance too, oh and I know we probably should have gotten married, and maybe gone on a real holiday somewhere.  But the fact is...I am not getting any younger. I turn 36 in the spring and time is ticking away.  Some girls have babies when they are 40...I say good for them. It's not going to be good for me. My fiance wants another baby as well, our daughter needs a sibling we've decided. And since she turns 3 next summer, sometime next year will be a good year to try for another.
We could wait for all those things I've listed above to happen....but they haven't happened so far, so why are we waiting?  We have a committed happy, loving relationship. We are best friends who really know each other so well, and still like hanging out together!
So even if I have a moment on here where I'm venting my frustration or concerns, it doesn't mean I hate my life or wish i could change it. Sometimes we need to vent and get it out, and move forward.
I love my little family, and I am excited for the future.