friends

Friends come and go. That's the way life goes sometimes. And I think its really ok.  We don't always have to be good friends forever....sometimes people are welcomed into our lives for reasons unknown to us at the time. Its like a new romance, exciting at first, but we all know not all of them work out to last forever.  And that's ok too.  It is what helps us grow into who we are and who we might be striving to be. 

I am a firm believer that nature runs its course, as do friendships.  I have had fantastic friendships in the past come to a stand-still and not sure what we have in common anymore, and then we parted ways.  But TRUE friends  find a way later in life to come back and tap on the window and see if you want to have some tea. I think in the past the relationships I've had with friends were because of circumstances and events going on in my life at that time. Highschool, college, work places, and living in different towns all had people who meant the world to me, but they are not all still in my life. Doesn't mean I don't think about them from time to time, and wonder how they are doing now. I've changed and found new interests, as I'm sure they have too. I've gotten older and started a family, my life of going out all the time is over...for a little while at least!  Priorities change which has to affect the types of friendships I have too.

I've been on a 2 year journey of finding myself again after having the baby. Trying out new groups of friends to see if we mesh, some do, alot don't. Doesn't mean I dont care about them, just means we are not a perfect match. Or we have different goals, beliefs, values, anything really. Finding true, great, wonderful friends who would drop anything to be there for you when you need a shoulder are so hard to find as you get older. It's like finding a new significant other. It starts with trust, friendship and grows from there. The people in my life who I call my true friends are very dear to me.  And some we hang out, some we just email, some live very far away, some we haven't been able to connect alot lately do to, well, just life in general. And some I think are just starting to blossom.

It's ok to have change in your life when it comes to friendships. I need certain people at different times in my life. And they need me for different reasons. Sometimes they work out, but it's really ok if they don't.  I don't want to have any hard feelings if things fizzle...it's like all my past relationships with men.  I don't have evil thoughts when I think of them. They shaped me into who I am today. They taught me what I do NOT want in a man now, and what I remember about them is nothing but fond memories. And the same goes for friendships. Some have helped me through very sad times in my life, when friends and family have passed away there are always a  few people that stand out in my mind that helped me through those things.  Some people are your friends to introduce you to a new friend you never would have met unless that first friend found a way to connect you.   I have a few of those friends now, and I hold them very dear to my heart.

People find a way into your life at a certain point for a very specific reason.  Even if you have no idea what that reason is yet. They will shape you and change you, without you even realize its happening. I have open arms when it comes to meeting new people. I don't feel right when I hear someone say, "I have enough friends".  I don't think that's possible. And I think its sad really. We all want to be loved and wanted and have someone who misses us. We all need someone to confide in and talk out issues with. And I dont think anyone really likes dining alone, all the time.

Friends keep us grounded, they also put it all in perspective. They listen and then listen more. And when you are ready to hear it or not, a true friend will tell you what they think. You don't have to always like it, but if you didn't want their opinion you wouldn't be their friend anyways. Right?

I'm curious to see who my next friend will be....

Hobbies

So since summer is finally arriving, I think it's time I get back to the things I enjoy doing and turn off that darn tv!  It's making me stupider by the day I swear! I asked my significant other if we should cancel cable awhile back, and you would have thought I said we are no longer buying groceries!

But it doesn't mean that once him and the baby are both sound asleep by 9:30pm each night, that I can't turn it off myself. I think it's come to that. (At least a couple nights a week) I have little things I love doing for myself, and I think it's time for this mama to pick a couple "me" nights and turn off the tv and turn on the imagination again. LOL that sounded so dorky! hahaha

I love making homemade jams and jellies, pickles, beets, all of it. I think its rewarding, relaxing and it's bringing me back to my roots of providing for my family.  So since it's strawberry season, I should really head out soon to my fave U-Pick and grab a few quarts and get to canning! Then it'll be blueberries, blackberries etc.  I am hoping to try some new recipes this year as well for other things like chutney, sauces etc. I really want to try my Nanny's recipe for blackberry jelly. I don't remember eating it as a child, she passed away when I was about 12 yrs old. But my mum talks about it all the time, so I want to make it for her. So that's the first thing on the list!

Secondly, my daughter's scrapbook. I scrapbooked every "first" for her first year and it's about 38 pages or so, and I love it so much.  I spent hours making it and put so much effort and thought into which picture was the best for each page.  My fiance would go to hockey once a week in the winter and I would pick that as my scrapbook night. All alone, baby asleep, and mama would get out the papers and tools and spend 1-2 hours creating something so beautiful to share with her when she's older. But now she's almost 2 and I have to catch up!  I want to create a book for the past year of all the fun things we got to do and learn and try, and sharpen my skills a little and try new looks and pages. It's another relaxing thing for me to do. I might even try card making....we'll see. One day!

And lastly reading. I used to read a novel a week. Reading was my escape from life and reality and take myself on a trip somewhere else for an hour or so each night (sometimes longer) and fall in love with characters. I have put reading on the back burner for a long time now. And I really miss it. I have a couple fun summer reads waiting for me to crack open and dive in.

Time for this mama to start enjoying what I used to love to do. The dishes, laundry and toys everywhere will all still be there tomorrow.

Break-ins

So today I was at home alone with my baby, like most days really. And there was a loud knock at my front door, followed by a strange questionable looking man peering into my kitchen window yelling "hello?"...I obviously was taking too long to walk from my living room to the front door, approx. 20 feet. So I opened the door to find a stranger asking me if I would like my windows washed inside and out, screens off, for only $15.  I said no thanks, and closed and locked the door. But it scared me. And my daughter who has just drifted off to sleep in her crib, which is just off the kitchen. So as she's crying and scared and I'm a little more nervous, we both did a fast sweep of the house to make sure the patio door and all windows that were opened were locked or had the stick in them. I have made my fiance cut me thick sticks for every single door and window, even making me a second stick for days I want to have them open a little, it makes me feel safer having the sticks to control how far the window can actually be opened. I have been putting sticks in my patio door since I went to college and my friend who lived upstairs in a house we shared had his dad come make me sticks for my patio out of old hockey sticks.  And since then I have always had sticks if I lived on ground level.

I have been broken into 3 times in my life, and also 2 car break ins. Let me tell you, it's terrifying. The first one I was 5 years old and we lived in New Brunswick and my parents had taken my family to see the move Jesus Christ Superstar (I think..it was some Jesus movie!) and when we were pulling into the driveway a burglar was using a knife and trying to open MY bedroom window. So the police were called and I remember laying in my bed with my mum trying to tuck me into bed and I kept saying to her, "he almost stole my purse!". LOL. I had a red patent leather purse hanging right by that window with $1.00 allowance money in it.  I remember it clear as day. So I layed in bed staring at the window, the blinds were closed but I could see the policeman's flashlights going all over my window inspecting it.  I will never to this day forget how I felt laying there thinking, he's gonna come back and he's gonna take my red purse. That is the beginning of my nervous  nature I think.  *** side note, I must say at 5 years old I had amazing fashion sense owning a red patent leather purse! Funny at 35 years old I now sport a cranberry red leather purse today!! lol

The next time I got broken into I was home.  So was my older brother and my mum.  My father was in the military and I think he was away on course. It was a saturday and I was in grade 10. It was a 2 level house, I was upstairs practicing piano, I was in royal conservatory and can't play a darn thing now, but I did practice piano lessons for about 3 or 4 years.  So I was practicing, with the headphones on.  My brother was downstairs in his room, music playing, and my mum was ironing I think. Or doing some sort of saturday mom chores. And suddenly the house alarm went off, so right away we all run to the nearest wall panel to see what's lit up, and it said the mud room door, which was downstairs. My mum never left the alarm on in the day, this just happened to be our lucky day. My brother ran to the laundry room and the man ran away. Police were there in 3 minutes because our neighbors alarm went off as well.  They did catch the guy.  He was as high as a kite, and he had a knapsack on him with a machete, and a sawed off shot gun  and bullets in it. I am not making this up folks. He told police he thought he was in another town that's about 2 hours from here, and he thought this was his house. But of course he was known to police and he was arrested and charged with some sort of weapons thingy. But the fear of knowing that someone tried to break in who had a giant machete and a sawed off shot gun I think has scared the shit right out of me. After that I didn't trust people again. There are really mean people out there.

The third break in happened at another house we lived in. I was now an adult in my very early 20's still living at home and working full time. I had Wednesday off work back then.  My father was always home by 3pm, and my mum by 5pm. About 2pm I was asleep upstairs (I was 20-ish I like to sleep!!) And I could hear someone trying to come in the house, so I layed there thinking, oh dads home early. And then I swear I heard someone yell in my ear "wake up its not your dad", and I bolted out of bed, ran downstairs and in the rec room on the bottom level was 17-18 yr old  guy standing there with a  knife trying to open the window.  I told him to leave now or I'll call the cops, and I remember him saying, I left something here I'm just here to grab it.  And we had a conversation! I said no you didn't, you've never been here, he said something about being at a party and leaving his bag here, and when I wouldn't budge he started banging on the window trying to break it and he said "You don't scare me, open the f*cking door". I bolted! I ran out the stairs and called for help.  The police just happened to be down the street from me, seriously like 5 doors down, with the dog (dog just had a run at the beach or something) so they heard it on the radio and that dog sniffed him out and found him 4 doors away in the backyard hiding in a compost bin. He told the police he was just hungry and wanted food.  But he was also known to police so he was taken away.

As an adult on my own my old Honda a.k.a. the Sin Wagon (I went through a big Dixie Chicks faze...lol) was broken into 2 times when I lived in Edmonton.  That's scary too, but now HALF as scary as your house. When someone is trying to break in and you stand there watching him, or see him spread eagle on the back of the police car as they remove weapons from his bag, that's shit stays with you.....forever.

I don't sleep well, never have.  And I really don't trust people. And there is no way I am letting some stranger into my home to wash my windows.  I can do it myself thanks. I was even questioning a man that came by a couple weeks ago selling home alarms.  He kept asking me personal questions that I kept refusing to answer and told him I wasn't interested, and he had the balls to tell me, well it's your safety lady. Patio homes are the #1 break in and an alarm would make you safer. He was too pushy for me. And I asked him to leave. But I am skeptical of these people, are they legit alarm company sellers, or are they casing the houses to see who they could break into.

So i'm always on high alert. always locking everything.  On the very few nights (last one was one believe it or not)   that the patio doesn't get the stick put back in, if I see it laying there in the morning I'm almost sick to my stomach with anxiety over the thought of what might have happened. 

I don't think I'll ever forget these terrifying days in my life. And I hope all of you reading this never have to go through this. Count yourself lucky, and please get sticks and locks for your homes!!

peace

I love the water.

I have lived all over Canada, and I always feel the most at home when I'm close to the water. I don't know how to sail, yet, but just being at the beach or the harbor and smelling the ocean air makes me feel sooooooo good!

And I want to make sure my daughter gets to enjoy the wonders of the ocean as often as possible. Now don't get me wrong, I also love lakes and streams and rivers. Put my dream house near any patch of water bigger than a puddle and I'm a happy girl! I could get used to saying, Oh I have a lake house! :) Maybe one day...

But while I'm waiting for that to happen, I try to see the ocean as much as possible. My house now is a 5 minute drive to the ocean, ok maybe 7 mins. We are surrounded by ocean and beaches and a beautiful marina. That's where I took my daughter today for a walk. It was so gorgeous out today with sailboats everywhere and seagulls flying around.  Tons of people walking the boardwalk and just enjoying the day.

I just find it so peaceful near the water. If I'm having a crappy day or need to think about life and all the choices I need to make, the ocean is my favorite place to go. Just to sit and listen to it.  The sounds of birds as they fly around, the waves crashing on the shoreline, the smell of the ocean air, and the cool soft breeze on my skin. There is nothing I love more than those moments.

So today was a great day. My baby girl had fun exploring the boardwalk, and I got to soak in a little happiness.  Just me and her.

Can't get better than that!

xo