Balance

I gave birth to my 2nd daughter 2 months ago. I will blog about that another time.  At this moment I felt like talking about balance in my life...or lack there of some days.

Anyone who has ever told me "oh 2 kids is a breeze" flat out lied to my face. Don't get me wrong, I am madly in love with both my children, but juggling everything that needs to be done is for professionals....and I should have gotten more training!

I think the hardest part of having a 3yr old and a 2 month old  is how do I, on a DAILY basis, make special time for my first born? She is the most patient child in the universe. (a trait she did NOT get from her mother) She has sat on the couch eating dry cereal and drinking a sippy cup of milk many mornings while waiting for her baby sister to finish feeding...since mommy can't sit at the table and eat breakfast properly with her anymore. You know, with an actual spoon and milk IN the bowl....too messy for the couch, so sippy cups and dry cereal it is! Or toast. My couch, FYI, is desperately needing a shampoo this weekend!

Now this might sound like child labour with what I'm about to say, or as daddy calls it: "earning her keep". But I've made chores a fun thing. When there is laundry to be folded she is in charge of all tea towels.....even putting them away for me. She also fills up the toilet paper holder when its empty.....much appreciated. I get her to help unload the dishwasher, plastics only, and she puts them away after drying them with her tea towels, since plastic is never dry coming out of the DW....ever notice that? Weird. She has her very own Swiffer duster, that I change the fluffy thing weekly, and she dusts as high as she can reach. Such a helpful little lady. But if I don't get her to help me with these things I feel like we never spend any time alone together anymore. The newborn sucks up 98% of my time now.......which used to be 1st born's time!

I am happy to say there is no jealousy...yet. But I'm finding it tough to find those spare minutes in the day when the baby is asleep and we can have a moment together. Last week I asked my mother to babysit the baby so I could take love-child #1 grocery shopping with me. Another chore that needed to get done....but she thought she was helping me and she got to hold the list and shake every boxed good and slam it into the cart.....note to self never give her the taco kit or lasagna noodles!

Gone are our weekly craft days or leisurely strolling through Walmart. Everything is rushed, hurry before the baby wakes! I just want to find balance somehow to still give her all the attention she craves. Also to bring more fun back into her routine. I'm sure this will get easier as the newborn stops feeding every 3 hours and she can sit in a neglect-a-baby toy, you know those exersaucers...totally buying one for this kid!!

And after cooking Breakfast, Lunch & Supper, doing laundry, floors swept/mopped, vacuuming,  bathroom, toys picked up, appointment's gone to, a daily shower for me, groceries bought, toddler playtime, baby tummy time, collecting all garbages, and also trying to stage my house so we can sell it soon and move into a bigger one...maybe, just maybe there will be time for me to get my haircut.

But I wouldn't change anything....well ok, more money would be nice. Why aren't mothers paid again?

Bummer

So I wasn't going to blog about this day today. I thought it's too hard maybe I'll forget and MAYBE no one will ask me about it.  But of course my friends are already asking....and since I blog about the good, I have to also blog about the bad reality of life too sometimes.

So today was my diabetic meeting at the hospital. I have Gestational Diabetes this pregnancy and was told last month to change the foods I eat and start taking my blood samples 4 times a day, track it and get my sugars under control.  I thought I had this thing beat. I have lost about 11lbs now (30 weeks pregnant) and my numbers the first couple weeks were awesome!  I didn't cheat, I was at the TOP of the safe range, but still in the safe zone so I thought cool, I am beating this!!  But the past 3 weeks I was very sick, vomiting, coughing, the whole bit. So my food plan was mostly crackers and soup. I hardly tracked my blood sugar since I could hardly eat anyways. But last week when I felt better I started tracking my numbers and noticed even if I ate well, my number was still above average and I just couldn't get them under the safe range. But in my head I was thinking "oh i'm just a LITTLE above average".  So I thought I was handling this ok.  I did have a couple days where I had cheats, a chinese food night, an ice cream night, stuff like that.  But I recorded it and was honest about it, and told my Dietitian about it today.

She said she understands I cheated, to go from a sugar filled/junk filled diet to the Canada's food guide almost no sugar cold turkey is alot to ask of someone. So she totally understood the craving for bad foods....in moderation.  But thats not what alarmed her.  It was my early morning blood sugars after fasting all night while sleeping, they were too high in the morning, and week after week climbing higher. She patterned my results and said they are slowly increasing as the weeks go on, and that since I have 10 weeks left I could be in serious trouble soon. So she told me the news I was dreading to hear.  I have to go on insulin til the end of the pregnancy. I feel like a complete failure. I didn't cry in the office, how I managed that I have no idea...I cry at everything!!  But I held it together and listened to her advice. I asked her can I please have 2 more weeks to try harder and eat even better?  She said no, you are doing so wonderful, you are completely getting this and changing the diet and she reminded me this isn't my fault.  It's my pancreas.  It is fighting me even with every veggie I eat and no sugar product I drink the pancreas is winning. My body just can't process sugar this pregnancy.  Even the sugar in bran flakes, and whole wheat bread, it is just not working out. So I have to go on insulin probably next week. Not sure how much until the doctor talks to me. I have to inject it into my tummy 2-4 times a  day depending what he thinks is needed for me. This was the one thing I didn't want to happen. 

But I didn't understand, I thought if I was eating so good, and such smaller portions....why isn't this working? So she told me that after week 28-30-ish until week 37 my body is crazy flowing with hormones for this growing baby. And the baby is fully developed and just packing on fat now so it needs all my fat and sugar to get big and strong and healthy for birth.  And no matter how good I eat, some women's pancreas just cant handle the food you're eating and cant keep up with the insulin that I need.  If I don't go on it, the baby could be at risk for so many problems, and it will up my chances for a horrible delivery. (which I have already experienced once before and never want again)

So I left feeling defeated and bummed out. But i've had some time to process it all, and I know this is for the best. She did tell me she had 3 pregnant ladies in her clinic yesterday all on insulin this pregnancy as well. So it reminded me that i'm not alone in this, alot of women have this problem. I will still have to eat healthy, insulin doesn't give me a free pass for junk again, but it will give me more room if I want a little extra spaghetti I won't have to worry as much about my sugar levels, to eat to nourish this baby and myself. Where as now I find myself thinking I better eat a small supper so my sugars don't rise.  And then i'm hungry later. Thats why I'm not gaining weight because really, i'm dieting and limiting myself.  And she doesn't want me to do that...the baby needs the food too. So I guess this is for the best, as crappy as it makes me feel. The good news is once I deliver the baby there's a very good chance this is over.  But I'll still have to be careful so later in life I don't get it permanently.

Today's the day

So today was my 1st meeting since first meeting the Diabetic ladies at the hospital, to assess my progress. They gave me 2 weeks to get my crap together and cut out the sugar, test and record my blood 4 times a day and get my sugars under control....or else I get put on insulin.  Lets just say, yes I was nervous today. I knew from all the research I was doing that i was in range MOST of the time. About 1/3 of my results in 2 weeks were a little too high, but I could always pinpoint why, either I ate some grapes, or sugary fruit, or cheated and had A&W one time. (my body needed a teen burger!!!  LOL)

The dietitian and the Diabetic councillor thought I did a fantastic job! So much so that they said I can now take my blood every OTHER day now, as long as I exercise a little more. But they were not too happy I lost 9lbs (i was super happy!) but they don't want me losing weight while pregnant, especially not while I 'm heading into the 3rd trimester...the baby needs calories!  So they asked me to increase my veggies and fruit. I told them fruit makes my sugar spike, so they said on lunches I eat fruit, get up right after and walk or dance or something for 20 mins and then test my sugar and It'll be ok. So I'll try that all this week. They were so impressed by my "hard-core" approach to this and they can tell I am making such amazing changes and they were so happy for me. They read my food diary and said I really need to eat more, I am about 1400 calories a day now, (down from 2500 or so), so they asked me to get it up to 1800, the baby needs it and so do I. I have been feeling hungry by nighttime so they said eat more for breakfast and lunch. So i'll take their advise, I'm ok to eat more!! heeheehee

So I go back again in 3 weeks, (have to email them Easter monday with how I get through this weekend's temptations) and then in 3 weeks they go over everything again and see how I'm doing. I feel so good about myself for tackling this and really educating myself on the damage I was doing to my health with all the sugars and high fat foods. I really hope to continue this even after the baby is born and I no longer have GD, plus I will be breastfeeding so i will want to be healthy for the baby's nourishment and growth.  And if I drop a tonne of weight you won't hear me complaining!!!

GD week 2

OK so i'm on week 2 of following a diabetic type meal plan for my Gestational Diabetes. So far I'm doing good, great I think.  My blood sugar levels have come way down, and I'm noticing small things like 10 grapes throws my sugars into a frenzy, yet a fresh pear today was ok. Just learning all the glycemic scales of different foods have me fascinated.  I'm probably driving my close friends and family crazy with all my sugar talk, but its my new life now....even after this baby pops out I'm going to continue this healthy way.

So its been 2 weeks and I have to say, I have not had heartburn ONCE....until tonight. I was craving sugar really badly, so my man made me a tea and put 2 sugars in it, and I had a few grapes and a granola bar. Now I have heartburn.  Something I have suffered this whole pregnancy with every single night.  So back to no sugar for me. (or LESS sugar at one sitting) Back to tea with 1 sugar and no more grapes.  They seem to really make my blood sugar go sky high. Apples and Pears for me now!

I'm am learning, and sharing for those who are interested.  For those thinking, enough already I don't care, then that's ok, i'm not trying to preach, but 2 weeks ago when my life was forced to change I've really had to change everything. And I am so happy my man is supportive of this. He misses sugars too, and I'm sure he grabs the odd pop at work, but at night we no longer have chocolate bars and pop and chips before bed. Popcorn has been something we've come to enjoy, or toast with PB and our tea!  And I'm not saying I'll never eat chocolate again...Heck, on the way home from delivering this baby I plan on making a pit stop to my fave donut place....believe me!! But I love this new way we are trying to live. And I'm enjoying finding all these high sugar foods, I feel like I'm uncovering a secret society. Most low-fat foods are high in salt and sugar to make up the taste.....so it's made me make wiser choices when buying food for the family.

I'm learning here.....and so far I'm liking it all. And dropping weight has been nice too! Not that i'm supposed to lose weight while prego, but if I cut out sugar it's bound to happen!
I'll keep ya posted....

I'm coming out of the sugar pantry

I have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.

I am 6 months pregnant now and my life has hit a wall with this news. Shocked? yes a little.  But I did it to myself so I haven't yet asked Why me????  I KNOW why me.  It's called sugar-addiction.

I failed all 3 blood tests. You only have to fail 1 to be GD.  So I met today with 2 dietitians and Diabetic counselors. They were wonderful!!!  I have to prick my finger after my 3 meals a day and record my numbers. I have to pee on a stick first thing every morning and I HAVE to start exercising and changing my diet....in a major, major way.  If I can't get it under control in only 2 weeks, I will be put on insulin.  Now THAT scares me. I had no idea I had done this much damage to my body, but now that i've been reflecting for 3 days since I found out this bad news, I know why it happened to me. I love sugar.

My whole adult life I have struggled with my weight. Been so self-conscious of how I look and what people think of me when they see me walking down the street with my hot sexy man.  I always felt they were thinking, why is he with her?  Well for one main reason he's with me...I'm totally awesome! And we are besties and have a blast together. But I am aware of my size, I know what the scale says and my clothing size. I'm not a complete idiot. 

But my sugar addiction is strong. I love my pop everyday, my Latte's, sugary drinks, and chocolate!  Oh man Easter is coming and no chocolate bunny for me :(  I cant even think about it or I'll cry....I'm a  newbie at this healthy shit, It'll take some time to adjust.

So the ladies showed me how to use my clicker/pricker thingy and how to record it all. I have to email my results weekly to the hospital and every 2 weeks meet with them to review and ask more questions. So I was happy they are taking good care of me.  They spent well over an hour teaching me how to read labels, what foods to eat, to always eat a protein with every meal and snack I put into my mouth. And to get off my lazy fat ass and go for a walk.  I do not exercise at all, so now I HAVE to. No excuses!  I can't go on insulin!!

So when I got home tonight my man and I started reading the labels of foods we eat here at home.  here;s what we found.  OK 5g of sugar on the label = 1 tsp of sugar. 
1 YOP drinkable yogurt= 26g sugar (5 tsp!!) (the same as drinking half a Pepsi)
1 500ml Dr. Pepper= 52g sugar (10 tsp!!)
1 apple nutrigrain bar= 16g sugar (3 tsp)
1 apple juice from McDonalds that kids drink= 18g sugar (3+ tsp!!)
1 400ml Minute Maid Apple Juice= 52g sugar (10tsp) (same as Dr. Pepper)
16 Rold Gold pretzels= 3g sugar (yes my new fave snack LOL)

we stopped after that depressing news.  But it sure makes me feel good about hardly ever giving my child juice!  10 tsp of sugar in 1 bottle of apple juice you buy at the store!  Thats crazy!!

It has now become clear to me to read those sugar labels! I used to read the fat and calories, not caring about sugar thinking Oh I burn sugar off, fat is bad for me.  Apparently not!  The white has got to go. Sugar, white rice, white buns, white pasta...all of it. I have to do some serious grocery shopping next payday now to fill our house with better options. I just had no idea how bad we were really eating. I thought oh I'm 6 months pregnant and have lost 5lbs i'm eating soooo much better!  But sadly no, I am killing myself with sugar.

The good news about GD is once I deliver the baby my sugars go back to normal. But this is a huge wake-up call for me to change our lifestyle and eating patterns now, or later in life I will face this again....and it wont be pretty. And I don't want our kids growing up guzzling juices and pops and sugary granola bars all day and getting fat and unhappy like I have been for so many years.

So we finished our supper, mine had 3g of sugar for the whole meal, yay me!! And we got on our shoes and went to the park with our daughter and played on the slides then went for a long walk around the neighbourhood.  We pooped her out, she sat on the sidewalk and said she was too tired to go any further.  So daddy carried her home but she said it was so much fun.  And it was so nice to get fresh air, and for us to talk about our days and be a family doing something good for us! And when I came home and took my blood, my sugars were in the good range...hooray for exercise!!

I am so happy I have him to support me on this. He's right on board with healthy eating and what we need to do exercise wise to get us all healthy again. When we came home and he was drawing the bath for our daughter I asked him if he'll still love me when I'm all skinny and sexy?  And he said yes! LOL  :)

Bedtime routine

So we try at every little moment to enjoy the smallest things around us. That includes bedtime. We are very fortunate that we haven't had a child who kicks and screams all the way to bed, our 2.5 yr old asks to nap or to go to bed every night. You might not believe me, but she seriously does ask. But that doesn't mean walking down the hallway to her room is always a breeze.  We were finding awhile back that it was alot of coaxing, bribing, begging on our part, after she asked us, to convince her that she needed to go to bed.  Until one night after we had watched one of her signing DVD's (she's still learning to speak so sign language works for us right now) and we had just learned how to sign "penguin".  So, I started waddling like a penguin all the way down the hall. (and trust me i'm almost 6 months pregnant and waddling is very easy to do!!)That was it, giggles and smiles as she waddled like a penguin, following momma down the hall, giggling til she layed down in her bed.  Well that lasted weeks, either myself or my hubby, waddling like penguins, with our daughter following behind us giggling all the way.  But I got bored, and I noticed less and less giggles and decided last week to "swim" down the hall.  Seriously that's all it took to put that spark back into her bedtime routine and the giggles returned as we all took turns "swimming" down the hall.  So tonight, my hubby had to go to hockey and he missed out on the bedtime routine, and so I started swimming down the hall.....my little fishy following me got half way and she turned around and started doing the backstroke!!  I died laughing, and that made her crack up too.  My kid makes me laugh every single day, and no matter how bad a day I could possibly be having, she is the funniest little person I know!    I love being a mother more than anything I have ever done in life, and I am so blessed she chose me as her momma. Now I need to think of another way to walk down the hall, because she's 2 the swimming can only be fun for so long. I think we might have to start doing karate kicks...I know that'll get her laughing to see momma try to do that!!

Cravings

So I have had cravings with this pregnancy from about 2 months along or so.  They started out so healthy and innocent....and have now turned into a ravenous food whore. My mother will be proud of my use of the English language right about now.

In the beginning....no I'm not telling you about the Bible or sweet Baby Jesus, we are talking food here.  At first like I said....innocent....healthy....and pure.  Oranges!  I couldn't get enough oranges or orange juice...and then it went to veggie platters....and yes I would make a platter of veggies and ranch dip and eat most of it, the rest was scarfed down by my lovely 2.5 yr old.  But it soon changed and went into sugar and fats and carb-city!  The croissants, slurpee's, fries and gravy, BACON....ooh Bacon I love thee still.  And we can't forget, pickles. And not just pickles, I would actually rather have the pickle juice from the jar. Which I don't recommend unless you want heartburn like you've never experienced before.  I asked my man if he would care for a pickle while we were looking for a snack to watch our fave reality tv show.  He is one to always support me and never lets me eat alone, so he said yes I would love one. So I brought over one of our daughter's child size plastic bowls with about 6 pickles in it.......and about 1/4 cup of the juice at the bottom.  And yes, I drank the juice. Sooo tasty!!  But after the TUMS jar got raped that night I made him promise to never let me drink that heartburn juice again.  So what did I do the next night?  You guessed it!  He told me not to do it......but I said, oh it's just a little tiny bit, I don't want to waste it.  TUMS was my bestie again that night.  (ok i'm seriously salivating at the thought of more pickle juice)

I'm not sure if cravings while pregnant is a real thing.  Some people will argue that there is no such thing.  But this is my second pregnancy and I remember having cravings with her too.  How I've managed to lose 8 lbs and be 4 months pregnant is still a mystery to me...maybe pickle juice has fat burning qualities!!  OMG could you imagine!!!!???? The Pickle Juice diet could make me a billionaire!!  HAHAHAHA ("I wanna be a billionaire so fricking bad, Buy all of the things I never had, Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine,
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen"....sorry had to sing there for a second)

So here I sit...alone. My hunny went to hockey, baby is fast asleep....and I have eaten a giant handful of cooked, cold bacon, a pickle...that I dipped a few times into the juice and sucked it off..shhh don't tell anyone...and a cupcake that I made for my hunny's birthday tomorrow. I wonder how long it'll be til TUMS joins this heartburn party in my tummy.  I don't think i'll have to worry about those 8 lbs....pretty sure they'll be coming back on soon enough ;)

I'm pregnant again!

So I took a much need long break from this.  Just wanted to stop babbling about the negative, and so now i'm ready to focus on the positive!  And now I am 4 months pregnant!  We are sooooo excited have have another baby this July. I won't find out the sex, so it'll be the guessing game for the next 6 months!  But that's part of the bonus i'll look forward to as I go through the agonizing pain of delivery again.

My daughter started speech therapy this year, and so far so good!  Her signing is so much better than even a month ago, and she's loving her baby signing time videos. I think she can relate better to little kids signing to her, plus they sing fun songs!

My man's birthday is in a couple days.....he wants me to make him a cake.  Now, I did those cake decorating classes last fall, but I haven't done one single thing since then. So i'm not too sure what to make him!  Time to get creative...lol. All's I know is that it must be chocolate!

I just wanted to write a tiny update to get back into the blog thing...maybe I'll be inspired to write something more interesting!  :)