"me" gifts

I received some birthday money this year, and honestly....I'm just not sure what to do with it! It's not that I don't need the cash, cash is always needed! I'm just having such a hard time spending it on me, and only me. Before baby I had no problem buying what I wanted. Now since I've had her, I feel guilty buying myself something and not her. I'm actually sitting here thinking, maybe I could just buy a piece of jewelry that reminds me of her! Why is it so hard for me to just go to the store and pick out something cute!

I really need summer clothes or I'd love a micro planer that you zest lemons on! Or how about cute new sandals, since warmer weather is coming! I know I'd love an iPod since mine broke, or I would love the Sookie Stackhouse book series (that I thought I was getting). How about a food processor...ohhh I'd love one of those! Or a waffle maker, or a tattoo, or a whack of new fun makeup! The ideas are endless...really I could think of 12 more I'm sure. But on the other hand I keep thinking, well she needs new jammies and another new wide brimmed summer hat. I'd love to buy her a few new toys or a few casual dresses.

Maybe that's what being a mommy really means....that I would give her my very last cent just to see her smile or just to fulfill her needs. But a good mommy is also a happy mommy and this mommy needs to enjoy this gift and indulge a little. :)

Maybe there's nothing wrong with buying myself a new ring....with her birthstone in it! She is the love of my life, and I would be ok with looking down at my hands and seeing the ring that my fiance gave me because of his love, and the other hand the ring I buy representing how his love to me....gave me her. xoxoxo

The Cake

So this past weekend was my 35th Birthday! And the only thing I REALLY asked for was this delicious cake from a bakery here on the main street. Its called the lululemon cake and it really is one of the yummiest cake I've ever had. So of course I snapped a photo! And yes, it was exactly what I wanted. It was good!

I feel like I got really spoiled this year. Thanks to my friends and family! My fiance bought me a Tassimo coffee maker! LOVE IT! I've had a latte almost everyday and its tasty!! My girlfriend found out I got that so she gave me a new awesome travel mug to use with it.....very thoughtful!!! My daughter got me 3 new DS mind games...I love all the Brain Age type games, so I've been having fun challenging my mind with those. (and I got Battleship...who doesn't love that game!!!) I got some moolah...can't wait to spend that, I have ideas....I'll tell you later what I end up getting. My parents made me the most touching, heartfelt gift. However I can't tell you YET what is was for a week or so...you'll understand why later when I tell you. But it made me cry, the good cry, it was so awesome, and I love my parents so much for doing this for me...and someone else ;). the suspense will kill you!!! heeheehee. But I don't want to spoil the surprise for someone else who may be reading this! Trust me I'll fill you in sometime next week, when I know I'm allowed too! :) My fiance's mother is flying in from Ontario tomorrow and she wants to take me shopping for a gift, can't wait! Hmmm home decor or clothes....decisions, decisions! So all in all it was a fantastic weekend!

Today I am going for lunch with my family, and a little shopping and just going to enjoy my day!

change is good

So today was the day I decided that enough is enough. I am turning 35 in 1 week exactly, and I'm sick of this body. I know, I know, we all hate something about ourselves, but honestly I'm so tired of complaining about it! Being overweight and thinking about it and how unhappy it makes me, probably takes up 85% of my daily thoughts. Seriously! So I am finally ready for change. Lifestyle change, eating change, and attitude change!

I think that is the hardest part about starting a diet. Its not the food choices, its the mental choice we all make that enough is enough. I have battled this bulge for my entire adult life. Back in my early 20's I was curvy lets say, but of course I thought I was HUGE, even though I'd secretly kill to look like that now! Then my late 20's I was oh Gawd, this is looking bad...I really should do something, then my early 30's were OK one day soon I will, I promise. Well the time has come. I am almost 35 and I refuse to let the next 15 years of my adult life be consumed with this horrible feeling I have about my own body image.

On January 1st of this year I gave up pop. I was drinking about 2-3 cans a day, everyday, and I had enough so I quit cold turkey. It last 45 days. On day 46 I had a diet pop and I felt like crap when it was done. I had been talking with an old friend from high school, who recently changed her life and lost lots of weight and blogs herself about the struggles and her exercise program etc. And when she heard I was quitting pop she gave me the happiest emails of encouragement, and I really felt so good inside that I was doing her proud! Someone out there who understands the struggle with excess weight was supportive of me. And I have to say on day 46 I felt like a piece of poo. I gave in to the temptation that is going to kill me early. And everyday since day 45 I have felt guilty.

So this morning another great friend and myself dragged ourselves to my dining room where I have my WW scale all set up and we weighed in. Together we are making this commitment that we are DONE being sad and unhappy with our bodies, and we want to live active healthy lives with our children. She got to see my weight and I have NEVER told anyone the number. Even when I was pregnant I weighed myself and told my midwife in a soft whisper every month, and towards the end I asked her....do you really have to know? She understood my embarrassment and said its OK, you don't have to tell me. She was my new bestie in my secret poundage club!!! Of course at the hospital I had to have an epidural and I'm pretty sure they asked me my weight to give me the correct dose, I only hope I wrote it down instead of blurting it out so everyone else in the room didn't know. I honestly cant remember. But c'mon now...who am I fooling? We all watch the Biggest Loser, I'm sure people can take wild guesses and come close, but I don't care, my friend and I will take it to our graves!!!

So tomorrow morning is Day 1 of the new me. No more pop again, no more Easter candies, no more bags of chippies. We are 2 ladies with alot of common sense though, so we know we need attainable rewards or else we'll cave. So at every 5-10% of our weight that we lose we will celebrate with a spa day, or a new shirt, a trip to the casino with 40 bucks, something like that. But NOT WITH JUNK FOODS!! There will be no Hot Chocolates gorgeous yummy lemon cake with butter cream icing for every 10 lbs I lose...that's defeating the purpose! But if its someone's birthday and I feel like a tiny sliver of cake, I'm going to do it. I still want to live my life and enjoy parties and fun events, just all in moderation.

And I think that just might be the key for me to losing all the weight. I have to try to learn how to live my life still and not be consumed by the word "diet". I really have to get it through my head that its a lifestyle choice I'm making. Do i want to be fat, unhappy and miserable. Or do I want to be healthy, and sexy and excited about life again?

In 2 weeks my baby starts swimming lessons, she will be a Duck, so that means I have to go in the pool with her. Twice a week, for 5 long weeks...oh and did I mention that my brother-in-law is the instructor? He gets to see me, in all my womanliness, in a bathing suit. Now if that's not motivation for putting down the junk food I don't know what is!!

Wish me luck!!

My Sounds of Music

When I first had my daughter, after the first week her daddy had to go back to work, and I was left all alone with this new baby. And I found myself sitting there, holding her, trying to nurse, not having luck with that, but also I noticed that I dont think I talked to her that first week alone. My mum told me start singing to her or talking to her, but I felt silly...since i had ZERO experience with babies. I was lost, overtired and had no clue what I was doing. But I soon found out that I also did not know any children or baby lullaby's. So that first month I sang Britney Spears, Aerosmith, Christina Aguilara, any top 40 song off the radio or CMT that I knew and thus began my singing adventure with my new bundle of joy.

As the months progressed I joined a Mother Goose program for children to teach the moms and dads fun songs for children.....between you and me I think she preferred the Aerosmith songs, but who wouldn't!!....So after weeks for learning and perfecting all the hand movements and actions, it became a daily routine. When she was getting a bath, we sang "i had a little turtle, his name was tiny tim..." when I changed her bum it was " Zoom, Zoom, Zoom" or "How much is that doggie in the window". And when she didn't feel well she loves her grandmother's Von Trapp family "death" song as I call it, "oh they built the ship Titanic, and sailed the ocean blue, and they thought that the water would never go through, But the Good Lord raised his hand and said this ship will never land, it was sad when the great ship went down, to the bottom of the sea, yeah it was sad when the great ship went down, Ker-plunk it sunk like junk!" yes its a horrible song but my daughter lights up everytime we sing it. And by "we" yes I mean her father and I together, it is a duet with parts! lol Like I said...a Von Trapp family classic! hahaha

But now I find myself stuck singing. When he eats she is a big girl now and doesn't want us to feed her anymore, but she still needs help eating her oatmeal with fruit sauce every morning. She LOVES her cereal, she even signs for it every morning. (we taught her sign language which is so helpful) But we have come to a point in the road where she screams and throws a fit if I try to feed her...UNLESS I sing that famous Sound of Music song, "Doh a deer". I sing it over and over about 6 times is what it takes to get that bowl of cereal in her! But I'm almost wondering why that song? Of all the songs, and there's been hundreds I swear, why that particular song.

Backtrack a little to 6 years ago when I met my baby daddy, he mentioned to me on one of our dates that his fave movie of all time was the Sound of Music. I laughed so hard at him, and that was the first time I also learned just how sensitive he was. Oops my bad! But could that song be genetically programmed into her DNA because her daddy loves that musical so much he even knows the words to every song? Of course he will be mad that I'm telling you all this, but who cares its a good movie! I think all women will agree with me ;) But I'm not kidding it is the ONLY thing I can sing to her to get her to eat her cereal. And for how long do I have to sing that song? I try to change it up a little and sing something else and she cries and pushes the cereal away. It does make it difficult for my mum who babysits her sometimes, apparently she doesn't sing it the same way and my child wont eat cereal for her.

So is it the song + cereal combo? Or is it just mommy/baby time that I've always done with her that makes it special to her? I love our song moments, even though I've been told by her daddy that I should really stop singing or she'll think the song is supposed to sound that bad. All I care about is that my daughter thinks I'm the best singer she's ever heard! She loves my songs and all the actions and sillyness I put into every single one.

But will she be 15 and i'll still be singing Sound of Music songs? I guess there could be worse things in life...