Does it matter?

One thing I've noticed since jumping on board the healthy choo-choo, is some people really have that need in them to know how much weight have I already lost. But my question to you is, does it matter?  Is there a magical number that would make you think oh ok she really IS doing this. What if it was only 5lbs in 6 weeks, what if it was 17.245 lbs?  Would any number matter?

I think since doing this for myself that the most important numbers so far are the ones coming down. Weight- down, Blood pressure- down, blood sugars- down.  But then there are things that are going up and I feel like those are just as important to my journey. Self respect- up, happiness- up, self-esteem- up, and the corners of my mouth- are turned up....WAY UP! :) 

This isn't just about numbers, of course numbers matter and I can't wait to hit big goals I have, but until then I'm also enjoying all those other "up's" that are making my life matter so much more and making my inner spirit soar.  I am finding happiness on this journey, something I really thought I already had with 2 beautiful little girls, but now I'm learning that being happy with who you are as a person inside is really the most important thing. Learning to not take crap from people who talk down to you, or talk bad about you when you are not around. (But that is YOUR issue not mine, and i'll keep on smiling as you make yourself look like an idiot) Knowing when to walk away and be proud of who you are and what you have achieved so far, and trying to be a better person every single moment of the day. I have been overwhelmed by the friends who have come to walk beside me in this journey and who give me the virtual high-five's over the internet and help me up when I stumble.  Who give me the inspiration to keep going after a rough day, and one's who are busting their buns working out during their hectic life schedules, just so we can compare sweaty workouts! 

I am finding out so much more about me, and the people I am surrounding myself with, that is the biggest gain so far. Learning to not be afraid to reach out for help when I have a fitness or foodie question, reading and learning as much information as I can to improve my body, mind and spirit. And not being afraid to allow myself to just be me.  Just be the person I want to me, no excuses, no lies, just love.

I faced my fear and went in the gym...with machines...and people ;)

So today I hit the gym with a friend.  9:30am on a Sunday.  I was pumped and ready to face my fear of the ACTUAL gym, not just the part we do zumba classes in.  I didn't really know what to even do once I got there, but lucky for me I went with someone who has hired a PT before and had knowledge of the machines. 

Some might roll their eyes at me for being gym-dumb, but honestly....read the rest of my blog working out was never my thing before!  But this last month I have changed my life....and seeing results on so many levels...and pounds are coming off!

I started out on the treadmill. Nice safe place to begin I thought.  I did 25 mins on it at a speed of 4.4, no incline, thinking You Go girl!  Getting my sweat on!!  I was starting to suck wind a little bit by the 20 mins mark, and my legs were burning, then I look over to see this lady running like a freaking gazelle...really???  4.4 wasn't so impressive anymore.  But i'll get there.  Baby steps here.  Then it was off to the rowing machine....how hard could that be?  Holy moly, my thighs were like wobbly pops by 4mins....it's funny now thinking about it, and I loved that machine, but I need to work up to that one. again...baby steps. haha  Then we did an arm press...maybe it was called a lateral press, maybe it wasn't, either way I did 3 reps of 10 at the lightest weight. I could feel the burn in my arms but next time I might try a tiny bit more weight and go from there. (and maybe i'll read what the machine is called next time too) Then we did the bike.  I was wanting to do 15mins but my thighs were shaking like jello molds and I thought they might fall off, so I made it to 8mins I think and I was done. But you know what, it was just close to an hour at the gym...and that is 1 hour more than i've done in 10 years, so I am still pretty happy.  And it will only get easier, and I'll try more machines later. Back to zumba this week, and maybe the gym again next Sunday we shall see.  It didn't scare me off so that's a good thing!

I am loving my fitness pal app for my phone to monitor my food diary, that has been a handy tool this week too. And water, water, water. I miss pop so much and I miss chocolate, but I'm surviving and loving how I feel and also notice my sleeping has improved, no more insomnia, imagine that ;)  I'm too tired from working out to have insomnia, hahaha. 

And the best part of working out at the gym, no one even cared what size I was, or that I was a beginner.  Another fear checked off my list!! :)  Have a wonderful healthy day!!

why hello there again

So I'm happy to report that for the past 3 days my blood pressure is down to 127/86 and a few hours after exercising it's 124/84, so that makes me smile!!! Exercise is working...imagine that!

Meals are going OK.  I'm not snacking on junk, it's removed from the house and I haven't hit up a drive-thru in a long time....except for my roll up the rim to win and it made me sick for HOURS that night, never again.  Unless it's tea I can't do those latte's anymore, not worth being sick.  And not worth the calories it takes me to burn it off! I am NOT an exercise professional but I am guessing I burn 600-ish calories at zumba, 60 mins but maybe more I have no clue, this is just what My Fitness pal says to me on the app :) But I am happy to say I have already gone twice this week and plan on going again Saturday.  I am looking into another fitness option, but from what I can tell I am not sure if I can budget that since I don't work at the moment.  Which bums me out a little bit that money is holding me back.  But it is something I will FOR SURE join as soon as we can afford it. For now the zumba punch cards are working me out good! But I am hoping to join a boot camp sooner rather than later to kick it up a notch.

There is so much to learn about calories in.  No, I should say GOOD calories in.  I tracked my food today and stayed around the 1600 mark and was pretty proud of myself, until I did the pie chart option it offers and realized 40% of my day was from fat.  That sounds horrible! 22% protein and 38% carbs. So I think I need to work harder on my meals. Obviously I can't lose what I want eating like that, regardless if its hitting my target calorie count each day.  GOSH, SO MUCH TO LEARN!!!  My next boyfriend better be a personal trainer....and a mechanic....and a chiropractor....haha I'm kidding, my man is just fine!! I tease because I love!

Anyhooter, it's been interesting to learn all this stuff, but I feel like I've just scraped the top of my mountain and I really need to learn so much more.  But I will, and I am!  This is a new lifestyle, I can't expect it to happen overnight....but if the skinny fairies want to pay me a visit tonight while i'm sleeping i'll take a size 6 body please ;)

I get it

I've always considered myself a smart girl. But when you have a light bulb moment and then everything falls into place...mentally....it really rocks your world. I have known how healthy eating and exercise is really the key to a happy life, but it never really clicked in my head until now. And I mean CLICKED. Facing my fears of the gym and working out has completely changed my life. Completely. Yes I was afraid of the gym, afraid of what people would think of the fat girl working out in there, afraid I would get all sweaty (sad but true) and afraid that someone I knew from my past would see me in a gym. I kid you not, I had a fear of the gym.

Let me start and apologize to anyone in the past who ever talked to me about fitness and I rolled my eyes at you. Because I can be a  bitch and I'm pretty sure I did that, so for that I am sorry. I think (for me) that if I scoffed it off or rolled my eyes or did the big sigh as you were telling me about how much you worked out, it was my own personal insecurities with my body. But when you are down on yourself, and looking for that miracle quick fix  you don't want to hear about it....especially from that already skinny girl. These thoughts used to go through my head...'yeah right she can eat anything she wants what a bitch. Stop preaching to me I LIKE my curves. Go eat a hamburger and call me when you have more than 5 lbs to lose.'  What a horrible person I was for even THINKING these thoughts about someone.  Now that I've gotten off my big fat ass and put the hours into working out with zumba I honestly appreciate every "skinny girl's" body so much more now. Some people are genetically thin, I'm not talking about those lucky bastards ;) hehehe... I'm talking about the ones that passed on the weekly fast food runs at work, the daily latte runs,  their veggies and dip with movie night instead of the baked cheesey delicious dip I would bring. There is a reason they CHOSE to not buy those things and eat them and they had good reason to exercise til they are dripping in sweat...not just until they were glistening...they wanted to be fit.  They wanted to wear those size 6 or whatever you think is your ideal size jeans and rock them! The hours it takes to burn off calories is something I'm still learning, but when my lightbulb finally clicked on, my world has forever been changed.

I have been going to zumba for 3 weeks now I think. I have lost weight, but that's for me to share later when I hit a big goal. But I'm being real here....the pounds are melting away already!  What really made me happy this week is my blood pressure. The first week of February I went to donate blood with the Canadian blood services like I do every 6 weeks, and they had to take my BP 3 times because my BP was 151/101. They will not take your blood if the bottom number is over 100. So finally on the 3rd attempt it was 99. I barely qualified to donate.  And as I laid there giving blood I thought....who the hell wants my fatty blood? I can barely even donate something to help another person because I treat my body like a dump. I drank all the Coke and pop i could drink, crystal light by the litres weekly, junk food, fast food.  All processed crap.  And I laid there thinking, what if a person who works out everyday, eats healthy and does everything right, needed my blood? I'm just passing on to that healthy person my bad blood. It really bothered me.  So thats' when I emailed my dear friend L and asked her if she still goes to the gym and if I can join her...I was ready.  That's when she introduced me to the world of zumba.  (Zumba is not for everyone, but finding YOUR fave things to workout is what matters)  At the 2 weeks mark of going I weighed myself to see a lower number (YAY ME!!) but the cherry on top was I took my blood pressure.  It was now 124/91.  In 2 weeks!! I still want it lower, but that was such amazing results already that what I am doing it working.  Less sugar, Less salt, NO aspartame drinks, NO pops (except a treat on weekends --weaning myself off), and MORE EXERCISE.  It's such a simple formula for success and wellness. But it just didn't "click" in my head before now. And I am so grateful that I am young enough to get my body back to what it should be and become a better person and a positive role model for my girls.

They will always look to me for inspiration and motivation and if I am sitting on the couch eating....so will they.  And I want them to have the best life they can have, so yes I am doing this for me first, but also I am doing this to be the best example to them of how to love yourself.

I know this is just the beginning of my new adventure and I have a very long bumpy road ahead of me, but I have to start somewhere.  I have to surround myself with friends who want to encourage me and still be proud of me if I have a  bad day and know that tomorrow I start again. I have to be on Pinterest pinning inspiration so I am surrounded by it. I have to talk about it, I have to read it, think it, live it. This HAS to be my new life because I've lived my entire adult life overweight, and I'm tired. Tired of complaining about it.  Tired of shopping in the plus sized stores.  Tired of looking bad in family photos. And just tired of letting myself down over and over. 

If you've never struggled with an addiction before you might not understand why I ever let myself go, but if it's food, drugs, booze whatever your addiction is, it was to mask or hide from something. But when you finally wake up and see things clearer and realize it's not worth it, but YOU ARE WORTH IT, you will forever be changed.

Now another fear...post this to let  friends read or not.....