I get it

I've always considered myself a smart girl. But when you have a light bulb moment and then everything falls into place...mentally....it really rocks your world. I have known how healthy eating and exercise is really the key to a happy life, but it never really clicked in my head until now. And I mean CLICKED. Facing my fears of the gym and working out has completely changed my life. Completely. Yes I was afraid of the gym, afraid of what people would think of the fat girl working out in there, afraid I would get all sweaty (sad but true) and afraid that someone I knew from my past would see me in a gym. I kid you not, I had a fear of the gym.

Let me start and apologize to anyone in the past who ever talked to me about fitness and I rolled my eyes at you. Because I can be a  bitch and I'm pretty sure I did that, so for that I am sorry. I think (for me) that if I scoffed it off or rolled my eyes or did the big sigh as you were telling me about how much you worked out, it was my own personal insecurities with my body. But when you are down on yourself, and looking for that miracle quick fix  you don't want to hear about it....especially from that already skinny girl. These thoughts used to go through my head...'yeah right she can eat anything she wants what a bitch. Stop preaching to me I LIKE my curves. Go eat a hamburger and call me when you have more than 5 lbs to lose.'  What a horrible person I was for even THINKING these thoughts about someone.  Now that I've gotten off my big fat ass and put the hours into working out with zumba I honestly appreciate every "skinny girl's" body so much more now. Some people are genetically thin, I'm not talking about those lucky bastards ;) hehehe... I'm talking about the ones that passed on the weekly fast food runs at work, the daily latte runs,  their veggies and dip with movie night instead of the baked cheesey delicious dip I would bring. There is a reason they CHOSE to not buy those things and eat them and they had good reason to exercise til they are dripping in sweat...not just until they were glistening...they wanted to be fit.  They wanted to wear those size 6 or whatever you think is your ideal size jeans and rock them! The hours it takes to burn off calories is something I'm still learning, but when my lightbulb finally clicked on, my world has forever been changed.

I have been going to zumba for 3 weeks now I think. I have lost weight, but that's for me to share later when I hit a big goal. But I'm being real here....the pounds are melting away already!  What really made me happy this week is my blood pressure. The first week of February I went to donate blood with the Canadian blood services like I do every 6 weeks, and they had to take my BP 3 times because my BP was 151/101. They will not take your blood if the bottom number is over 100. So finally on the 3rd attempt it was 99. I barely qualified to donate.  And as I laid there giving blood I thought....who the hell wants my fatty blood? I can barely even donate something to help another person because I treat my body like a dump. I drank all the Coke and pop i could drink, crystal light by the litres weekly, junk food, fast food.  All processed crap.  And I laid there thinking, what if a person who works out everyday, eats healthy and does everything right, needed my blood? I'm just passing on to that healthy person my bad blood. It really bothered me.  So thats' when I emailed my dear friend L and asked her if she still goes to the gym and if I can join her...I was ready.  That's when she introduced me to the world of zumba.  (Zumba is not for everyone, but finding YOUR fave things to workout is what matters)  At the 2 weeks mark of going I weighed myself to see a lower number (YAY ME!!) but the cherry on top was I took my blood pressure.  It was now 124/91.  In 2 weeks!! I still want it lower, but that was such amazing results already that what I am doing it working.  Less sugar, Less salt, NO aspartame drinks, NO pops (except a treat on weekends --weaning myself off), and MORE EXERCISE.  It's such a simple formula for success and wellness. But it just didn't "click" in my head before now. And I am so grateful that I am young enough to get my body back to what it should be and become a better person and a positive role model for my girls.

They will always look to me for inspiration and motivation and if I am sitting on the couch eating....so will they.  And I want them to have the best life they can have, so yes I am doing this for me first, but also I am doing this to be the best example to them of how to love yourself.

I know this is just the beginning of my new adventure and I have a very long bumpy road ahead of me, but I have to start somewhere.  I have to surround myself with friends who want to encourage me and still be proud of me if I have a  bad day and know that tomorrow I start again. I have to be on Pinterest pinning inspiration so I am surrounded by it. I have to talk about it, I have to read it, think it, live it. This HAS to be my new life because I've lived my entire adult life overweight, and I'm tired. Tired of complaining about it.  Tired of shopping in the plus sized stores.  Tired of looking bad in family photos. And just tired of letting myself down over and over. 

If you've never struggled with an addiction before you might not understand why I ever let myself go, but if it's food, drugs, booze whatever your addiction is, it was to mask or hide from something. But when you finally wake up and see things clearer and realize it's not worth it, but YOU ARE WORTH IT, you will forever be changed.

Now another fear...post this to let  friends read or not.....