change is good

So today was the day I decided that enough is enough. I am turning 35 in 1 week exactly, and I'm sick of this body. I know, I know, we all hate something about ourselves, but honestly I'm so tired of complaining about it! Being overweight and thinking about it and how unhappy it makes me, probably takes up 85% of my daily thoughts. Seriously! So I am finally ready for change. Lifestyle change, eating change, and attitude change!

I think that is the hardest part about starting a diet. Its not the food choices, its the mental choice we all make that enough is enough. I have battled this bulge for my entire adult life. Back in my early 20's I was curvy lets say, but of course I thought I was HUGE, even though I'd secretly kill to look like that now! Then my late 20's I was oh Gawd, this is looking bad...I really should do something, then my early 30's were OK one day soon I will, I promise. Well the time has come. I am almost 35 and I refuse to let the next 15 years of my adult life be consumed with this horrible feeling I have about my own body image.

On January 1st of this year I gave up pop. I was drinking about 2-3 cans a day, everyday, and I had enough so I quit cold turkey. It last 45 days. On day 46 I had a diet pop and I felt like crap when it was done. I had been talking with an old friend from high school, who recently changed her life and lost lots of weight and blogs herself about the struggles and her exercise program etc. And when she heard I was quitting pop she gave me the happiest emails of encouragement, and I really felt so good inside that I was doing her proud! Someone out there who understands the struggle with excess weight was supportive of me. And I have to say on day 46 I felt like a piece of poo. I gave in to the temptation that is going to kill me early. And everyday since day 45 I have felt guilty.

So this morning another great friend and myself dragged ourselves to my dining room where I have my WW scale all set up and we weighed in. Together we are making this commitment that we are DONE being sad and unhappy with our bodies, and we want to live active healthy lives with our children. She got to see my weight and I have NEVER told anyone the number. Even when I was pregnant I weighed myself and told my midwife in a soft whisper every month, and towards the end I asked her....do you really have to know? She understood my embarrassment and said its OK, you don't have to tell me. She was my new bestie in my secret poundage club!!! Of course at the hospital I had to have an epidural and I'm pretty sure they asked me my weight to give me the correct dose, I only hope I wrote it down instead of blurting it out so everyone else in the room didn't know. I honestly cant remember. But c'mon now...who am I fooling? We all watch the Biggest Loser, I'm sure people can take wild guesses and come close, but I don't care, my friend and I will take it to our graves!!!

So tomorrow morning is Day 1 of the new me. No more pop again, no more Easter candies, no more bags of chippies. We are 2 ladies with alot of common sense though, so we know we need attainable rewards or else we'll cave. So at every 5-10% of our weight that we lose we will celebrate with a spa day, or a new shirt, a trip to the casino with 40 bucks, something like that. But NOT WITH JUNK FOODS!! There will be no Hot Chocolates gorgeous yummy lemon cake with butter cream icing for every 10 lbs I lose...that's defeating the purpose! But if its someone's birthday and I feel like a tiny sliver of cake, I'm going to do it. I still want to live my life and enjoy parties and fun events, just all in moderation.

And I think that just might be the key for me to losing all the weight. I have to try to learn how to live my life still and not be consumed by the word "diet". I really have to get it through my head that its a lifestyle choice I'm making. Do i want to be fat, unhappy and miserable. Or do I want to be healthy, and sexy and excited about life again?

In 2 weeks my baby starts swimming lessons, she will be a Duck, so that means I have to go in the pool with her. Twice a week, for 5 long weeks...oh and did I mention that my brother-in-law is the instructor? He gets to see me, in all my womanliness, in a bathing suit. Now if that's not motivation for putting down the junk food I don't know what is!!

Wish me luck!!