Bummer

So I wasn't going to blog about this day today. I thought it's too hard maybe I'll forget and MAYBE no one will ask me about it.  But of course my friends are already asking....and since I blog about the good, I have to also blog about the bad reality of life too sometimes.

So today was my diabetic meeting at the hospital. I have Gestational Diabetes this pregnancy and was told last month to change the foods I eat and start taking my blood samples 4 times a day, track it and get my sugars under control.  I thought I had this thing beat. I have lost about 11lbs now (30 weeks pregnant) and my numbers the first couple weeks were awesome!  I didn't cheat, I was at the TOP of the safe range, but still in the safe zone so I thought cool, I am beating this!!  But the past 3 weeks I was very sick, vomiting, coughing, the whole bit. So my food plan was mostly crackers and soup. I hardly tracked my blood sugar since I could hardly eat anyways. But last week when I felt better I started tracking my numbers and noticed even if I ate well, my number was still above average and I just couldn't get them under the safe range. But in my head I was thinking "oh i'm just a LITTLE above average".  So I thought I was handling this ok.  I did have a couple days where I had cheats, a chinese food night, an ice cream night, stuff like that.  But I recorded it and was honest about it, and told my Dietitian about it today.

She said she understands I cheated, to go from a sugar filled/junk filled diet to the Canada's food guide almost no sugar cold turkey is alot to ask of someone. So she totally understood the craving for bad foods....in moderation.  But thats not what alarmed her.  It was my early morning blood sugars after fasting all night while sleeping, they were too high in the morning, and week after week climbing higher. She patterned my results and said they are slowly increasing as the weeks go on, and that since I have 10 weeks left I could be in serious trouble soon. So she told me the news I was dreading to hear.  I have to go on insulin til the end of the pregnancy. I feel like a complete failure. I didn't cry in the office, how I managed that I have no idea...I cry at everything!!  But I held it together and listened to her advice. I asked her can I please have 2 more weeks to try harder and eat even better?  She said no, you are doing so wonderful, you are completely getting this and changing the diet and she reminded me this isn't my fault.  It's my pancreas.  It is fighting me even with every veggie I eat and no sugar product I drink the pancreas is winning. My body just can't process sugar this pregnancy.  Even the sugar in bran flakes, and whole wheat bread, it is just not working out. So I have to go on insulin probably next week. Not sure how much until the doctor talks to me. I have to inject it into my tummy 2-4 times a  day depending what he thinks is needed for me. This was the one thing I didn't want to happen. 

But I didn't understand, I thought if I was eating so good, and such smaller portions....why isn't this working? So she told me that after week 28-30-ish until week 37 my body is crazy flowing with hormones for this growing baby. And the baby is fully developed and just packing on fat now so it needs all my fat and sugar to get big and strong and healthy for birth.  And no matter how good I eat, some women's pancreas just cant handle the food you're eating and cant keep up with the insulin that I need.  If I don't go on it, the baby could be at risk for so many problems, and it will up my chances for a horrible delivery. (which I have already experienced once before and never want again)

So I left feeling defeated and bummed out. But i've had some time to process it all, and I know this is for the best. She did tell me she had 3 pregnant ladies in her clinic yesterday all on insulin this pregnancy as well. So it reminded me that i'm not alone in this, alot of women have this problem. I will still have to eat healthy, insulin doesn't give me a free pass for junk again, but it will give me more room if I want a little extra spaghetti I won't have to worry as much about my sugar levels, to eat to nourish this baby and myself. Where as now I find myself thinking I better eat a small supper so my sugars don't rise.  And then i'm hungry later. Thats why I'm not gaining weight because really, i'm dieting and limiting myself.  And she doesn't want me to do that...the baby needs the food too. So I guess this is for the best, as crappy as it makes me feel. The good news is once I deliver the baby there's a very good chance this is over.  But I'll still have to be careful so later in life I don't get it permanently.